March 28, 2023

1. I took the bus yesterday. A couple brought a little boy on board, and there were just two seats left.

The two of them sat down, and the mother let her son sit on her lap.

The son said, “I want to sit on Dad’s lap.”

Mom said: “It’s not convenient for Dad to sit inside, but it’s more comfortable to sit on Mom’s lap.”

At this time, the little boy said angrily: “No, Mom, you are lying. Last night I heard you sitting on Dad’s lap and kept saying, ‘It’s so comfortable.'”

2. His wife asked Bobby to go to his family’s brewery to see how the wine was fermenting, and told him to go back as soon as possible.

Three days later, Bobby hobbled home. His wife asked him angrily: Where have you been?

Bobby: I encountered heavy rain on the way back from the brewery, so I took shelter under the big tree.

Wife: It rained for an hour that day. Where have you been since then?

Bobby collapsed on a chair and said: I’m going back again.

3. My husband changed his clothes the night before and saw bite marks on his back. I said: What’s going on?

He said: was bitten by a friend’s dog.

Let me go, what kind of dog can bite such a round mark through the clothes, everything is happy at home, and you can’t mess around without proof.

Yesterday, I asked my best friend to give me a bite on my back, and I went home to change clothes in front of him at night.

In the end, he smoked cigarettes all night, but he didn’t ask me!

4. My wife is a shrew. One day, she suddenly became more gentle to me, and was puzzled.

Me: Daughter-in-law, I have something to say, I don’t know if I should say it or not?

Wife: Go ahead, honey.

Me: I think you treated me too well today, did you do something to be sorry for me?

The wife immediately returned to the shrew style and yelled: Get out!

Me: Okay, you can rest assured that you treat me like this.

5. In high school, a male classmate was dating, and after being discovered by the school, he was criticized in front of the whole school!

With such a violent temper, he dropped out of school directly, and before leaving, he was still showing off that he finally got out of prison and fell in love freely.

Three years later, I went to visit his house with a buddy!

The old classmate complained while pouring tea: “I got married not long after I dropped out of school, and I haven’t bought new clothes for two years.”

He can still be vaguely seen wearing a high school uniform shirt under his coat.

6. On the day of the road test, 15 people brought by a driving school in the morning were wiped out.

The reason was that a girl was very nervous. In the road test car, the invigilator saw her trembling.

Heartfelt compassion comforted her: “Little girl, don’t be afraid, I don’t eat people.”

The girl turned her head and said with a smile, “It’s okay, I’m not afraid. The coach told me in the morning that the examiner has nothing to be afraid of. You can be tied to the passenger seat like a dog.”

As a result, the driving school group was destroyed.

7. Those who used to lend usury are now called finance, and those who deal with second-hand houses are now called real estate.

Those who tell fortunes by Tianqiao are now called psychologists, and those who talk nonsense are now called experts.

The former [[prostitutes]·female] are now called entertainers, and the matchmakers and bustards are now called brokers .

Those who make broken shoes are now called blue-faced confidante, and those who have sex with their father at night are called godfather during the day. The one-year-old son is making trouble again, and the wife can’t coax him left and right.

I was on the sidelines, worried that I couldn’t help, so I stood by and watched.

As soon as my wife looked up and saw me, she stomped on my ass, and said viciously: “Get out! Damn, I blame you! When I asked you to ejaculate at 2 minutes and 58 seconds, you have to wait until 3 minutes and 03 seconds, and you are born. Come out such a troublesome person, you can coax it yourself!”

8. When I got off work today, my husband kept staring at a sister paper, and his saliva was almost drooling.

I saw the girl’s black high-heeled shoes, black stockings, black ultra-short skirt, and a black suspender on top.

So I said with a friendly face: “My husband, if you like it, I will wear it like that every day from now on.”

Then I saw that bastard husband, turned his head and looked at me quietly and said: “If you dare to dress like that, we will divorce, divorce.”

9. On the bus, I saw a man holding dozens of unpackaged roses .

His hands were covered with blood from the rose thorns, and tears rolled in his eyes.

I asked him curiously: “Brother, does it hurt?”

Him: “It hurts.”

Me: “Then why don’t you let go?”

He turned his head and looked at me solemnly: “Let go? Then I’ll steal it for nothing!”

Just steal it for nothing! Just steal it for nothing! Steal for nothing!

10. A female alumnus in her junior year was very ugly.

When watching a basketball game, I always like to sit behind the basket and watch the game.

When watching a football game one day, a friend asked: “Watching the game behind the basket, the view is not very good, why do you choose such a place to watch?”

The ugly girl replied: “That’s how I can see the male classmates rushing towards me, rushing over.”

The friend smiled and said, “Then don’t laugh.”

The star hurriedly said: “Hey, you still dare not smile, that’s a bigger matter. The media said that your expression was stiff, and that you went for face-lifting injections and plastic surgery.”

11. One person passed by a cemetery, and saw a fire that looked like a legendary will-o’-the-wisp!

Being timid, he took a brick and threw it over!

Seeing that the will-o’-the-wisp floated to another grave, he was even more frightened, so he threw another brick over there!

Zhu listened to people scold: “Damn it! You can’t even make a shit! You get two bricks for the effort of one cigarette!”

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