1 .Residents in a community littered, and the cleaning staff couldn’t stand it anymore, so they wrote a notice board: “The litterers are infertile!” ”, at this time God appeared and said to this man: “Young man, it is immoral to curse people like this.” The cleaning staff asked: “Then what should I do? They will litter if they don’t write this.” God Said: “Well, if you write some blessings, the merits and demerits will be offset.” The young man heard God’s words, so he added a sentence, and no one littered anymore. The sign reads, “Litterers are sterile and full of children.”
2. In college, Valentine’s Day is here, and my husband (boyfriend at that time) asked me: Look, Valentine’s Day is here, should I buy you a bouquet of roses?
Me: No, thank you in a few days, why not have a meal
On Valentine’s Day, my husband called: Come out to the school gate
After going out, I saw my husband in full swing at the food stall
He: This is the 99 strings of mutton skewers I personally tested, and a string of kidneys represents my heart
I… later married him
3. Cut off the big brother who sells hamsters… There is a little hamster seller at the school gate. The host is a girl. She was attracted by the cute little hamster and was going to buy one. Later, the peddler said that there was a very cute purple hamster, and she liked to pretend to be dead. , I picked it up and moved it, it really didn’t move at all, and it was instantly cute, and the next day after taking it to the dormitory, I found that it still didn’t move… Thousands of grass mud horses are galloping past, that big brother, come out for me, I promise not to fight die you?
4. My sister-in-law is a veterinarian who likes to be quiet: I remember that when my sister-in-law first married, there was a male dog who was in estrus and kept barking every day, making everyone unbearable and very irritable. Only my sister-in-law watched the dog quietly count to “one”. The dog kept barking at her, but my sister-in-law was not angry. When she counted to “two”, the dog barked even more happily, and my sister-in-law counted to “2” with a smile on her face. “Three”, then turned around, and castrated it with a knife… After that, no matter who in the family quarreled, as long as the sister-in-law counted to two, the family would be peaceful.
5. After dinner in the evening, in order to digest the food, I went out for a walk with my wife. Walking on the forest path, I feel comfortable. Just when I was intoxicated by nature, my wife suddenly asked me, “Husband, do you like Japanese girls?” I expressed my attitude immediately. Do not play with Japanese women. To my surprise, my wife got upset and turned away angrily and went home to sleep. I was stupid at the time, what’s going on? …
6. I just saw a girl driving a Q7 in the parking lot . She couldn’t get in. I parked the car and went to help, but she refused to let me go. I said you saw my parking skills just now, and I won’t wipe it for you. It was a bump, she simply closed the window and didn’t listen to me. Alas, in this society, why is the level of mutual trust between people so low? I got on the bike angrily and left, the bike chain was kicked off.
7. It took him twelve years to climb to this position, twelve months for him to prepare gifts for her, twelve days for him to recharge his batteries, and twelve hours for his arrangement In addition to his work, he also found time to tidy up the room for the night. He took a shower for twelve minutes and sprayed on perfume. But these efforts ended in twelve seconds…
8. Man A: Boss, how much is your shower?
Boss: 10 yuan for men’s bath, 100 yuan for women’s bath
Man A: You are stealing money…
Boss: I mean, do you want to go to the men’s bath or the women’s bath?
Man A: Good boss in China…
After paying 100 yuan to the women’s bath! ! Why are they all men! !
9. I have been angry with my wife for a week, and no one cares about the other. Half of the window in the living room was open at night, and there was sleet. When I saw it in the morning, the rainwater that drifted into the window was frozen. I poked the ice with a shovel. When I stretched my head, I saw that half of the window was connected to the corner of the wall. , and shouted angrily: What should I do if the bottom is so hard? ! She scolded in the kitchen: Damn you know you can’t hold back! You scream as soon as the food is poured into the pot, wait for me to turn off the gas first…
10 . I did a question in biology class. Someone checked the answer with me. He chose A and I chose C.
I was surprised when I saw it. After careful study, it turned out to be like this. I chose D instead, and he asked me why. After I explained it to him, he suddenly realized “Oh”, and then I saw with my own eyes that he changed the original one. The answer, re-selected B, the correct answer B.
11 . I drove out to do errands with my female colleague, but the engine turned off near a village, and I couldn’t turn it on again. At this time, two guys came by the side of the road and said that there was a car repair shop nearby, but it was quite far away and had to be pushed there. The two guys said they could push it for us, and offered 500, whether they like it or not. No way, I asked them to push it with money. The two guys were sweating profusely pushing it, and finally pushed it after more than half an hour. The beautiful colleague said, 500, you are so willing, I said, that is, I have been pulling the handbrake! ! …
12. A colleague has a blind date with a woman, and the two keep in touch, but every time they call and chat with this woman, there is nothing to talk about. Instead, the woman’s mother has to ask a lot of questions every time, and then the two chat It was very exciting, and finally one day, he called again, and after the woman answered, she said directly: “Mom, your phone number!”
13. I accidentally made my girlfriend angry, how can I apologize more usefully? God replied: If an apology is useful, then why use Taobao. 2 What is the first question that comes to your mind when you visit a world famous site? God replied: Is there anything delicious around here? 3 How to take care of the abdominal muscles that have been hard-won? God replied: A thick layer of fat was grown to protect it. 4 Why do some people buy hundreds of thousands of earrings and necklaces at every turn? God replied: Because they can’t afford tens of thousands of dollars. 5 Why can’t the landlord find a boyfriend for so many years? God replied: Lack of conditions for love at first sight, no capital for long-term love…
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