1. I went swinging today. I felt uncomfortable when my underwear caught my ass, so I took off my underwear and threw it away. But when I got home, I couldn’t find it, so I thought forget it, anyway, I still have everything at home. When I got home, my mother saw and asked me about my underwear. I didn’t say anything for a while = =
2. Son: Dad, come home soon, a thief has broken into our house… Dad: Ah…Is there anything missing? Son: Not only did I not lose anything, but the thief threw it at my house! Dad: Really? What did the thief lose? Son: I threw my panties on my mother’s bed…
3. The factory of a friend of mine was requisitioned. My friend offered 2 million yuan, but the boss on the other side said that it could be less. My friend thought for a while and made a two gesture. I thought it would be 200,000 less, and the climax came, and I saw the man happily said: “20,000 is 20,000.” I’ll go~~~ Earn 180,000 with one gesture! ! ! ! ! !
4. Statistically speaking, the most dangerous place in the universe for human beings is the earth, because 100% of human deaths occur on the earth. The hen passed out after only uttering three words. Then…then you…! !
5. Xiao Ming scored zero in the exam, and Xiao Ming’s father couldn’t bear the huge gap between his son and him! ! And whenever the old Wang next door saw Xiao Ming, he happily gave Xiao Ming candy, which made Xiao Ming’s father even more suspicious! ! ! So, Xiao Ming’s father decided to admit his relatives with a drop of blood, and as a result…their blood melted! ! ! It’s all melted…
6. There was a girl sitting next to the Internet cafe surfing the Internet just now, and I saw her cover her mouth when I was smoking. I thought she didn’t like the smell of cigarettes, so I pinched the cigarette and said sorry to her. Unexpectedly, the girl said to me, can you put the shoes on first?
7. The mother-in-law can’t live for a year without raising anything. I asked my husband, “Your mother probably has nothing but you!” My husband glanced at me and said, “You are wrong. I was raised by my grandma. My father was raised by my mother later.” I……
8. Me: My husband talks to me.
Husband: I’ll finish playing this game of match 3 games later.
I stared at him: How much did the mobile phone cost?
Husband proud: six thousand.
Me: How much did the wife spend to marry?
husband:……
Then silently put down the phone.
9. The old king’s soul went to heaven and met the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor said: “Are you the old Wang next door?” The old Wang: “It’s Xiaomin!” The Jade Emperor: “You shouldn’t call yourself a Xiaomin, because you have become a god!” The old king asked: “What god? “The Jade Emperor: “Send off Guanyin!”
10. Women and men watch TV in bed, and women eat snacks in bed. Man: Can you stop eating in bed? Woman: All right! I will never eat in bed again. Man: Honey, I was wrong.
11. My girlfriend just woke up, grabbed my ear and said, “Did you peek at the beautiful woman while I was sleeping?”
I repeatedly quibbled and said, “No!”
Now she pulled even harder, and cursed: “What! I’ve been asleep for so long, and you don’t even look at me!” I…
12. The second-hand roommate is ignorant all day long. The number of students in the class and mine was several times higher than that of the last one. If there is no exam, there will be troubles, so I have a lot of infinite emotion: “There is always a time in life, full of anxiety, but we have no choice but to face it bravely.” Not without a sarcasm, he said with a mocking smile: “If you fail, you will fail, why are you talking so much nonsense!”
13. If Bai Baihe cheated, then the crew of the movie “33 Days of Broken Relationship” would be really good[Bī]: Yao Di, Wen Wen, Bai Baihe, Ma Yili, Chen Yufan, Zhang Zixuan…
14. I called my girlfriend before marriage, and I always wanted to say to her when we met: “Master, you just become an old monk!”
After marriage, I called my wife, and I always wanted to say to her every day: “Master, just let the poor monk go!”
I don’t know if I’m the only one with this mentality.
15. Haha, through the telescope at home , I observe the neighbors in the community every night. The first thing I saw when I saw a lot of beauties was to take off their clothes! Depend on! To be so slutty…
16. A colleague asked me, is it too demanding for you to find a partner, and you are still alone.
I said no, there is only one standard, and it’s fine if you don’t think I’m poor.
Colleague: Your requirements are too high!
I……
17. Do you think all men love you? Hehe…you try to ask him for money; you try to delete his game; you try to pull the plug when he is playing the game; you try to delete his girlfriend friend; you try not to let him smoke; You don’t let him play with his mobile phone..
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