1. Four people were playing mahjong, and the landlord farted. The movement was a bit loud, and the girl opposite said, the tone was so heavy! Said on the left, the accent is not a local! The right hand side said, if you have any opinions, you should raise them face to face, and don’t babble behind your back! Can nm still have fun playing! ! !
2. A: Uncle comes to pack cigarettes.
B: Am I that old?
A: Uncle is here to pack cigarettes.
B: Actually, I am not a few years older than you.
A: Oh, brother, come to pack cigarettes.
B: Is Lao Tzu so masculine?
3. Once I asked my best friend: what is true love? My best friend said: For example, if I am naked in front of a man, and his first concern is whether I will catch a cold, this is true love. I pouted: Then how ugly you must be.
4. When I got home, I saw that the neighbor’s child forgot to bring the key and was sitting at the door shivering with cold.
I went over to her and asked: Come in for a cup of coffee?
She knelt down with a plop and said: Uncle, I am still young…
5. Teacher: Why doesn’t Xiao Ming hand in his homework?
Xiao Ming: I’ll do it this morning. I squeezed into the bus and looked back to see that my bag was open. I just looked at my phone. The wallet is all there. I just lost my fucking homework.
Teacher: You… get out!
6. Netizen: My son was just born, please give me a good name for my son. My surname is Gao, and my wife’s surname is Guo. It’s best to include my and my wife’s surnames in the name, thank you everyone!
God replied: High voltage Guo!
7. A little boy in the class gave a hairpin to the girl he liked. Then he came to me and asked me: “Teacher, teacher, is Xixi’s hairpin pretty? I gave it to her!” I teased him: “It’s pretty, why don’t you give Teacher one? I want it too!” The boy thought for a while and said, “Then… let’s talk about it when you look as good-looking as her!”.
8. If you sleep at nine o’clock, you are a villager; at ten o’clock, you are a scholar; at eleven o’clock, you are a factory worker; at twelve o’clock, you are a government official; at one o’clock, you are an Internet worker; at two o’clock, you are a cultural person; People who sleep at four o’clock are insomniacs, those who sleep at five o’clock are gamblers, those who sleep at six o’clock are advertisers, and those who don’t sleep all the time are not people.
9. Two neighbors fought over trifles in the morning, and his child hid aside. I asked the child: Why don’t you persuade your parents to fight?
The child said: It’s okay, don’t watch them fight during the day, but they still kiss at night…
10. When I met an Indian on the train, I talked about which country has culture, and I said: Do you know how to use chopsticks?
He said: It is correct to grasp with your hands, and it is not limited by food.
I like to cure all kinds of grievances, so I took him to a hot pot restaurant when I got off the train.
11. My daughter likes to take pictures and has been urging me to buy a digital camera. One morning, my daughter and I went for a walk in the park and saw a girl painting lotus flowers in a pond.
My daughter looked at it for a long time, and suddenly said to me: “Mom, look, this is the end of not buying a camera. It’s too hard.”
12. A man and a woman were sitting on a bench in a park and talking. The man asked the woman: What is on your ankle? The woman said: It is my belt. The man said: Why is it tied around the ankle? The woman said: My mother said that men are not allowed to touch the place below the belt when you are with a man.
13. It started to drizzle, and several girls with flowered umbrellas entered the park one after another. When the rain cleared, the girls walked out of the park one after another. The new gatekeeper who didn’t know the inside story asked the girl: “Why is the sky sunny?” just leave?
The girl shyly said: Xu Xian didn’t come!
14. In the morning, Yanyan and Jingjing ran in the middle of the street park. The branches and grass blades were covered with dewdrops, and the benches were also wet. Yanyan suddenly thought of a question and asked Jingjing: “Do you think it’s hot during the day or at night?”
“Of course it’s hotter during the day than at night?” Jingjing replied.
“I think it’s just the opposite. You see, the trees and flowers sweated so much last night.”
15. A man is walking in the park. Someone appeared in front of him and said: Sir, have pity on me, give me some money. I am unemployed, and now I have no job or money, and I have an elderly wife and children at home, and now this gun is all I have left!
16. A female colleague visited the park and went to the bathroom halfway.
Suddenly, a
Go for a wretched hand and a cell phone.
female co-worker with lightning speed
Grabbing the wrist in a deceptive manner, yelling for help, the wretched hand broke free and fled, and the female colleague got a rich gold.
17. The teacher assigned a composition topic “Me in 30 Years” in the fifth grade composition class. Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote: …the weather is good today, I took my child to the park to play, I drove the limousine that my husband bought for me, and I wore the limousine he just bought me on my finger A big diamond ring, and around my neck is the gold chain he gave me last month. I walked in the park with my lovely child, and there were envious eyes everywhere. Suddenly, a stinking, muddy, homeless old lady rushed out of the road. I took a closer look, my God! She turned out to be my fifth grade Chinese teacher…
18. An elderly man sat on a park bench and wept alone. Pol-ice stepped forward and asked him what happened.
“I’m 75 years old,” the old man cried. “At home I have a 25-year-old wife who is beautiful, smart, and madly in love with me.”
“Then why are you still crying?”
“I can’t remember where I live!”
19. After dinner, I was walking in the park with my wife, and she said to me: Husband, I want the moon in the sky. I took out 30 yuan and said to my wife: here, 15 moons, 30 buy two!
20. An old man was sitting on a bench in the park to rest. A child stood beside him for a long time without leaving. The old man was very surprised, so he asked, “Little girl, why do you always stand here?” The child said, “This The bench has just been painted and I want to see how you stand up.”
21. My son was clamoring to go to the park. After buying a ticket to enter, he went straight to the sausage place, bought one, turned around and said to me: “Okay, let’s go out”
22. A pair of lovers were chatting on a park bench. Suddenly they stopped talking. The woman asked: “What are you thinking?” The man said: “It’s the same as what you think.” The woman said: “Shameless .”
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