March 28, 2023

1. My son is three years old and likes to eat in bed. I squatted on it to eat again yesterday, and my butt was full of snacks. I just teased him, robbed him of food, and just found out that he had a bear biscuit on his ass.

So I yelled decisively, grabbed it and stuffed it into my mouth, and finally found out that it was Tuo Shi! I can’t afford to hurt you!

2. A little girl and her mother passed by the flower shop holding hands and said to her mother: “Mom, today is Mother’s Day, I gave you a mummy?” Mom: “What is a mummy?” The little girl: “Mom, a mummy is a flower! ”

3. A friend bought snacks to see my two children. He teased the children and said: “Anyone who wants to eat can cry for uncle.”

The older kids started pretending to cry and got the treats. Seeing that he had nothing to eat, the child was so anxious that he really cried “wow”: “Dad, I won’t cry! I won’t cry! Woo”

4. The father persuaded the child to drink milk, saying: “If you drink milk, you will be as strong as a cow in the future…”

The next day, the child stopped eating pork. Dad asked him why? The child said: “If you eat pork, won’t you be as stupid as a pig in the future?”

Dad was dumbfounded.

5. There is a funeral parlor opposite the host’s house. Sometimes when I take a taxi home at night, the driver asks me where I’m going, and always says the funeral parlor. I can’t forget the speechless expressions of those drivers.

6. A: Jay Chou called me! ! ! !!

B: You are so lucky, what did he say to you?

A: Three words, typo.

7. My girl took a taekwondo class a few days ago, and she told me today: Dad, I will beat anyone who hits me after I get a black belt. I said: Don’t fight with children. She said: including you.

8. The mother of the child treats the child with respect every day.

All kinds of requests, one day the child got annoyed and said: Why do you adults treat me so badly?

What a lot of demands, you will have to listen to me when you get old.

9. Mother: “You are 7 years old today. Happy birthday, Jack.”

Jack: “Thank you, Mom.”

Mother: “I’ll give you a piece of birthday cake with 7 candles on it, okay?”

Jack: “Mom, I’d like seven cakes and one candle.”

10. There was an old fly taking his children for a walk on a bald head. After walking for a while, it said emotionally, “Oh… how time flies, children, when I was the same age as you, there was only one trail here.”

11. When a fat lady was walking along the street, a boy she had never met followed closely behind her. “What are you doing here?” asked the fat lady, turning around. “Is there something you want to ask me?” “No, ma’am. I just like to walk in the shade.”

12. The father sent his son to enroll in the kindergarten, and the teacher asked, “Does the child have to be fully cared for?”

The son heard it from the side, and said to his father in a low voice: “Dad, I am shy, and it is easy to catch a cold if I take it off completely.”

13. When traveling to the Confucian Temple in Qufu , I saw a mother pointing to the statue of Confucius in the temple and saying to her son: “This is the old Confucius, who can bless you to enter the university. Go and pay your respects.”

Then the little boy walked up to him solemnly, waved his hand to the statue of Confucius and said “goodbye.”

I seemed to smile awkwardly when I saw Confucius.

14. The teacher asked Xiao Ming: If you fail the exam, how will your parents punish you? Xiao Ming: Women’s singles under 80 points, men’s singles under 70 points, mixed doubles under 60 points.


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