March 28, 2023

1 .The mother asked her son to get up again: “Xiao Ming, good boy, it’s time to get up. Listen, the rooster has crowed several times.”

“What does the crowing of a rooster have to do with me? I’m not a hen.”

2. In ancient times, there was a family who was very superstitious and asked for auspiciousness in everything. On the evening of New Year’s Eve, the father and the two sons discussed and said: “A pair of Spring Festival couplets will be pasted in the hall. Now let’s each say an auspicious word and make up a pair of Spring Festival couplets.” The two sons nodded in agreement. The father first stroked his beard and read: “Happy year!” The eldest son thought for a while and read: “There is less luck.” The second son then read: “No lawsuit!” My father wrote a long, unpunctuated line and posted it in the middle of the main room. The next day, the neighbors came to pay New Year’s greetings. As soon as I entered the door, I saw the Spring Festival couplets and read aloud: “This year is very unlucky, and there must be a lawsuit!”.

3. The little nephew is 4 years old and has lived in my house for almost 3 months.

My parents spoiled him, finally spoiled him. I was recently brought back to my in-laws by my sister.

My sister called me yesterday to complain that the baby was too naughty, and she beat me up yesterday.

At that time, my brother-in-law was in a meeting out of town and almost got into an argument with my sister on the phone, blaming my sister for not caring about her son.

As a result, today, my brother-in-law took the baby by himself and beat him 3 times!

4. During a certain term exam, a teacher happened to invigilate his son’s class, and his son’s grades were extremely poor. After the test papers were handed out, the teacher’s son handed in the papers within half an hour, and some students hissed: “That’s amazing!”

The teacher’s son proudly called out to you: “What do you know, this is called stupid bird flying first!”

The invigilator was speechless.

5. Father: “Did the teacher assign homework today?” Son: “No, not a single question.” Father: “It’s a pity, I have to wash the dishes again.”

6. Today, I saw a photo of my classmate Space Xiu’s newborn son. Seeing a comment blinded me. God commented: I see that your son does not look like me at all. I can rest assured that.

7. Every time Huamei attends a wedding banquet with relatives and friends, she will bring her ㄉ youngest son with her, and her youngest son has a habit~ Whenever he has been to a fun place, he will definitely ask his mother to take him to play next time. One night two people After eating the wedding wine and preparing to leave, her youngest son passed by the bride without hesitation and said mom~ Although this bride is not good-looking, they ㄉ lobsters are delicious ㄛ This auntie will come again for me when she gets married next time.

8. One day I chatted with my son. Me: Son, did you know that you cried very hard when you were born? It pissed off your father and me. My son gave me a blank look: Oh, the first time I saw you, I knew I was cast in the wrong baby. Can I not cry sadly? I:……

9. Because the temperature of the air conditioner was too low, I woke up feeling dizzy and sneezing continuously. I struggled to get up to make breakfast, but my husband said, “Don’t do it, I’ll go downstairs and buy something ready-made.”

10. I was particularly moved by my husband’s concern, and returned to the bedroom beautifully.

The son playing computer in the bedroom said: “It’s not that I won’t let you do it, but my father is afraid that you will sneeze into the pot.”

11. Do things cleanly, never sloppily. For example, when a son comes home from school, the first sentence is: Dad, here are my test scores. Immediately after the second sentence is: This is my face.

12. Wife, why are you so happy? Husband, Lili next door gave birth to triplets! It’s none of your business, why are you happy for others? What do you know? Lili and I were married when we were first pregnant! Wouldn’t our son be able to marry three at once in the future? Can I be unhappy? What are you happy about? I don’t even have enough money to raise you, so our son can’t go bankrupt if he raises three? Uh, makes sense…

13. I have a pol-ice from the people. When I came home from get off work, I knocked on the door without a key. My son opened the door and shouted: Here comes the police, run away.

Bear boy, come here, I promise I won’t kill you. When I entered the room and saw my wife naked on the bed with the window open, I seemed to know something.

14. Those parents who don’t let their children play games and lock their computers are so weak. A friend’s child loves to play World of Warcraft and doesn’t study. The friend recruited 5 brothers to train his account, and formed a team to squat his son. He chased and killed his son as soon as he went online. Kill until his son gives up playing completely.

15. It’s summer vacation, and the father said to his son: “Honey, it’s a holiday, dad will take you to climb the Great Wall.”

The son thought for a while and said, “Forget it, it’s better not to go, climbing the Great Wall will cost you a few catties of meat, and the price of meat is so expensive now, let’s save money.”


16. A certain man brought a concubine back home. It happened that his three-and-a-half-year-old son was at home. It was very annoying to have sexual intercourse. The concubine was anxious, so he thought of a way, took out 50 yuan from his pocket, and wanted to give it to him. The child coaxed it away: “Go, baby, Auntie gave it to you, go buy a doraemon!”

The man at the side was very moved and said, “Son, seeing how particular your aunt is, I will give you 50 as soon as she makes a move!”

The son took the money dismissively, curled his lips at his father, and said, “She is so particular about people. That day, you were not at home. An uncle came to find my mother and gave me 200 yuan with one hand!”

The wild men and women widened their eyes in astonishment, and looked at each other: Oh my god, it turns out that there are people more particular than this!

17. The son saw his father watching “Gourd Baby”. Haha laughed: Dad, people say that they are old children, and they are really true.

Dad: What old kid?

Son: You are watching cartoons, not like a child.

Dad: I didn’t watch it, so I just listened to it.

Son: Is it different?

Dad: Nima, brat, I’ve been waiting for you since you were in your twenties. It’s been ten years, and you haven’t given me a grandson. I just heard what happened to the gourd baby called grandpa?


28. My puppy and I are playing on the carpet while my mother is cooking.

Me: “Mom, give me some dried tofu!”

As soon as I finished speaking, my mother threw it on the ground for me.

I was stunned, and my mother said: “Ah, I’m used to feeding the dog.”

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